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If I wanted to make it work despite what the evidence stated, I could.

And I wasn’t wrong, but marriage is challenging enough without marrying a project.

We research program offerings, campus life, tuition costs, etc.

before selecting which university to attend, why wouldn’t an equally important personal commitment require just as much evaluation?

Various factors played into this phenomenon which has yet to be identified in any other ethnic group.

One being the crack epidemic of the ’80s that shifted many households from dual to single, another being the mass incarceration epidemic that followed shortly thereafter.

A couple of years ago, after a string of failed relationships, I took some time to reevaluate my whole damn life.

I had exclusively dated Black men up to that point, finding commonality in the fact that we were both Black and both American-born, but my perception of marriage and relationships had undoubtedly been shaped by my West African father and my American Baby-Boomer Uncles.

I was expecting the men I was dating to mimic a culture and generation that they had no real relation to.

And when they couldn’t measure up to my unrealistic expectations, I blamed them for their shortcomings.

And as we reviewed my list, one thing became clear, and that was that I had no business dating Black American men.

The likelihood that we would waste each other’s time was almost built into the equation. Almost like I was turning my back on them if I agreed with these findings.

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