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You may meet your PIR while they are in the midst of working Steps Four through Ten and be curious about what this "amends making" is all about.I was so unfamiliar with the Twelve Steps that I didn't know enough to ask Steve about them or if he had done them.When people work Step Four, they begin to realize that in order to stay clean and sober, they need to handle all their feelings--the good, the bad, and the ugly ones--in a healthy and safe way rather than covering them up with mood-altering chemicals or addictive behaviors.Many PIRs who have numbed their feelings for so long start to actually feel again.
Sometimes these Steps take a long time to work through the first time, and because recovery and relationships are ongoing realities, these are Steps that are revisited time and time again.
This category also gets the PIR thinking about how they were inconsiderate with their partner, how they might have been jealous or suspicious, or how they might have cheated on their partner.
Paul told me that, for him, the easiest part was to remember and list all the people he had harmed.
In other words, there's often a lot for them to "unlearn" in recovery.
In Twelve Step programs, and especially in Steps Four through Ten, PIRs learn how to develop healthy relationship skills.