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I was putting my needs to the side again to help him with his depression and to make sure I kept him afloat. I felt like I was failing as a mother trying to be there for him. My heart was beating out of my chest because I wanted to say ‘wait’ or ‘no.’ But instead, I looked up and remember glancing at a woman with her hands on her face, so excited about the moment, maybe more excited than me.

I choked on my word – ‘yes.’ trying to convince myself. ’ Then the real questions started to appear: ‘If I ended the wedding now, will needed to work on himself alone before he could be in a relationship or another marriage. He didn’t love me or care about what I needed to feel safe. My marriage with my ex-husband was Facebook perfect. Everyone was in shock when my relationships ended, both times. But let me tell you something too, our kids need to see us fail and be able to talk about it.

The center of my spine was aching, the top of my back was burning as I arched over the dirty dishes scrubbing off the grime from dinner and prep.

My mind was wandering, and my ‘mom guilt’ started to set in.

I got a job as a photographer and worked my butt off. I went from spending every day with my son, honestly going insane some days, to being exhausted going job to job to keep afloat.

Instead of reacting more aggressively he got spooked and was slamming on the door asking to be released. I wasn’t mentally present and trying to move or get things done hurt. I went to get legal advice the next day after leaving my home.I wasn’t attracted to his father, but I thought ,‘He seems nice, I should just give him a shot,’ after his persistence to take me on a date.The date was horrible and I later found out he had a girlfriend in Colorado named Amber as well. I was driving and running a shuttle for the fairgrounds.When I tell him to leave because I don’t need someone like that in my life, that’s when he starts acting like he cares and wants the relationship to work. I honestly do want to leave him because I’ve just been hurting for so long but I feel sorry for him that’s why I can’t leave him. It seems as though this man has been very straight with you. This arrangement has been working for him for two years!He is prepared to take all you are giving and offer little in return. I can see how you – expecting a sober man, who emotionally commits and with whom you may have a future – would hurt him, especially if those were the terms you needed in order to stay.

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